Saturday, August 29, 2015

Procrastination wins yet again...

My two-week vacation in Portugal has come and gone.
I'm back to my old routine of work, homework, boot camp, more work and more homework, and a fading shadow of a social life. It's all starting to get a bit overwhelming, but in less than nine months I'll be done my MBA!!

I'm sitting at my kitchen table, trying to write this week's research paper about... ugh... who cares what it's about... I can't concentrate!  I need to be done in less than three hours, and I haven't even begun yet.

I've joined an online dating site, and I went on a couple of dates this week (with the same guy). He's incredibly nice, and smart, and funny... and I feel zero spark. He may make a good friend, but I have no romantic interest. And he's attractive too, and successful, and we can talk for hours - but he's just not for me.

Will I even again in my life be able to look at another man, and kiss another man, and make to love another man without thinking of Sinbad? How do I expel him from my heart, mind, and soul?!?

We've been broken up for about five months. That may not seem very long, but we'd only been together a couple of months, because prior to that we'd broken up for three months. I hate being in a relationship where we break up and get back together - for me, it should be black and white. You're either in or you're out. But with us, there's this intense chemistry and attraction, and love. I love him and all of his great qualities and annoying flaws. We just have decided to take different paths in life. I want a family, he wants a career. And we just don't seem to be able to compromise so that we're both able to get what we want without one having to sacrifice unjustly.

What do I do? Do I continue to go out on dates, and see if maybe I meet someone who does give off sparks? Do I try to make things work with Sinbad? Should I just give up on dating altogether? This chemistry imbalance called love is wonderful when it works out, but a terrible pain when it all goes wrong...