Sunday, November 30, 2014

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Getup

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Getup

Christmas hat
$0.85 - kmart.com.au

Studded jewelry
$45 - jewelstreet.com

Cocktail top
modcloth.com

H m trousers
$20 - hm.com

IRO gray booties
blueandcream.com

Holiday home decor
saksfifthavenue.com

Christmas home decor
notonthehighstreet.com

Monki Nailpolish
$2.50 - monki.com

Here we go again...

It seems kindda crazy - I think I'm on a 365-day timer.
I broke up with 'Sinbad' about a month ago. Same deal. He can't commit, won't give me what I want. What I need. I want to share my life with him, move in together, eventually start a family. He's not ready?? You either want to be with me or you don't - right?

I don't know what I'm doing. I love him. He's smart, ambitious, driven, proud, stubborn, caring... He's not perfect - but he's perfect for me. The thing is, we're not in synch. So I can either choose to give him more time, or I can walk away. What other choice do I have?

So, I decided to walk away for the last time. I can't fight for us on my own, and I feel like that's what I'd be doing if I gave him more time. We'd just be having the exact same discussion one year from now...

But I miss him. So much!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Just fizzle already!

I went almost the entire day without thinking about him yesterday.
But as I was leaving work, walking to the stairway to the underground parking garage, I absentmindedly thought to myself, “Wow, I didn’t think about Sinbad all day today”. And then, as soon as that thought formulated, he was all I could think about again.
I thought about just stupid randomness. About how I loved seeing him in a suit, and how good he looked in jeans. I thought about his smile, his hair, his jaw, his nose...
It went pretty much went like this: from the time I realized I hadn’t thought about him all day, every time I saw another man I’d compare some attribute. Sinbad’s hair was nicer. He wore a suit better. He was better put together. And then from there I started thinking about some of the times we spent together. And I started wondering what he was up to…

A lot of times, relationships end because they’ve fizzled out, or because one person thought the grass might be greener on the other side. That didn’t happen with us. I was happy with the color of our grass. I liked our grass. I would’ve gladly kept watering our grass for years and years to come.

I need to keep reminding myself that this was the right decision.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Lost cause

Ten days.
It’s been ten days since the night Sinbad and I broke up. Officially. Because, technically it’s more like 17 days. But that’s not official, because we didn’t say it then. We both knew it though, I think.
Does it even matter? Counting doesn’t change the fact that it happened. I wish this was easier.
Saturday October 11, 2008. That was the day we met. Well, technically, it was actually really, really early on the Sunday morning… Thinking back to that night, I feel this sadness. Nostalgia. Who would’ve thought we’d be here, five years later…?

We talked last night. On the phone. I’m not sure why. It didn’t change anything. It just made me sadder. I hate knowing that this is it. I’ll never see him again. Our paths will probably never cross again, why would they? He wants to stay friends, but I can’t. There’s no way I can “get over him” and move on if he’s still in my life. I don’t want to know when he starts dating someone else. I don’t want to know that he’s happy with someone else. I mean, I hope it happens. I hope he finally meets someone who will calm his soul. But I don’t want to know about it. I don’t want to know because I thought that person was me.

Time heals. One day I’ll look back at this time in my life, and I’ll think I made the right decision. It’ll get easier.